Huge breakdown at work yesterday..I guess sometimes I have to admit that it's okay not to be okay. It's tiring acting tough all the time, and it's a game of pretense I play with everyone- especially myself. So many things have happened this year and I am only barely one quarter into 2014. I hate to admit but I am suffocating so damn badly and I wished things were as simple as as I mapped them out to be.

Work is just insane and breathing down my neck because well, demanding job scope and unreasonable customers. I would have left a long time ago if it weren't for the family warmth I receive from the TBC family. Colleagues make up the most crucial part of your working life, besides your salary of course. I don't know if I can handle this stress long enough with everything that's happening in my life currently.

I wish you two could stop adding on to my mental stress because being stuck in the middle ain't exactly the best spot anyone can be in. It is hell exhausting listening to the crazy rants on one side and helping to tell lies on the other. I don't know when or if I would even ever find the courage to tell both of you that I am so caught in between, so uneasy, so emotionally drained, so so so upset that it kills me inside more than anything else...because we are related by blood ties and that's something I will never be able to deny.

Suddenly my future seems so bleak after the release of results. I always knew that pursuing the arts was not going to get me anywhere far in Singapore, but right now I am afraid I would not even be granted the chance of pursuing something I like, something I may not be jaw-dropping talented in but I know I have passion for and that I want to do for life. I know, I know I know what everyone is saying. It's not the end, it's never the end I just have to keep trying. I know I understand but really which of you can fully comprehend and empathize...? I am not giving up, neither am I depressed. I really don't need advice. I need no sympathy either. I just wish I had more support no matter what my choice is. I don't care if it guarantees me a bright future or a promising income. All I want is happiness. But where do I go now?

I guess you should be the mediocrity of all my problems now but I would be totally lying if I said I'm over you, that I am not affected, or that I no longer care. I know all it takes is time for this to heal, but nothing will heal how broken our friendship has become. Avoiding is definitely not resolving the situation but I know we have no other ways. If I had told you I loved you, would it make you want to stay?

I really question myself- why do I portray my life to be all fun and fulfilling and happy on social media when in truth there are so many stories unspoken and unheard of?