It's true how my fear for the future is at an all time high. I really can't help it. I don't know if it's my fault I don't have an ambition or goal like most do- to become doctors, lawyers, businessmen or at least having one of those mainstream jobs with a stable income. Sometimes I hate how I'm stuck in thinking that there's nowhere else I belong besides the arts industry. The recent discussions with journalists and theatre professionals have made me think beyond what I see. All along, I've been too focused on doing what I love, what I'm comfortable with. I've failed to consider the money factor and have always pushed it to the dream of finding a rich husband and live the dreams of a tai-tai as well as an artiste.  

But I know too well that to survive in the arts industry, you've got to be at the top 1%, or not you'll have to take on part-time jobs to be able to earn adequate living expenses. As much as I tell people and convince them as well as myself of realizing my dreams, in truth I am filled with doubts. How certain can I be that I will be able to live off a wealthy man? How sure am I that I will be good enough to even be recognized in this field? 

I'm not. 

Besides, there's all this talk about women being stronger now and no longer need to rely on men, and actually how we SHOULDN'T rely on our spouses to feed us. To me really it's not being shallow, but being practical. We all need money, don't we? I learnt it quite the hard way.

To quote a journalist from The Business Times whom I've recently had the chance to consult, upon asked what defines a good artiste, he says "To me a good artiste is one who can feed his/her entire family." I cannot agree more.

Yet as the saying goes, "Choose a job you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life."

Should I continue pursuing this dream I've always lived but never given serious considerations about? Practicality or Passion? Help.