What a shit way to end my last January night in 2013. I don't even understand myself anymore. What do I want what do I need how do I feel. Nobody can fully comprehend this feeling of being this lost and helpless. Not knowing who to turn to, or what I want to do with my future. I think about why I'm in this jc route and honestly I don't know. Am I here because it's what people say, the best and easiest rote to get to uni? Then why am I wanting to go uni? Is it because I really want to? Or because the society deems that I need to in order to be successful?

It's unfair, it's unfair how this whole system goes. Everyone is getting worried for me. I need to stop being so problematic. I don't even know what to do or say to anyone anymore. I should just shut up. And stop seeking so much attention.