I love ELDDS, really, probably is the main reason why I never left Crescent though I hate it. But guys, you all are really disappointing me. I don't know how I should be feeling exactly now, it's like I'm anxious about the whole Blackbox thing but nobody really cares. I'm worried about how it'll turn out to be, I get headaches everyday replying texts from comm members who are asking alot of things, and waiting for M's reply, checking my Crezmail daily in case I get emails from M and comm members. I get into arguments with my mum and sister because of daily practices for Blackbox and they get unhappy for my stress at home and my 'black' faces. I run to M everyday in school to confirm about matters and end up getting late for other classes. I am the first few to get to CCA to make sure the stingy school gives us a venue and that the room is opened for us. When the key is not passed to me on time, I text/call M in school even though it is against the rules. I take charge of the practices, give people scoldings/talks to make eveyone understand how serious the situation really is and that their attitude is getting bad to worse. But nobody really listens. They all agree that they want our cca to be recognized by our school and fellow mates but somehow it's really nothing but empty promises from everybody. I don't know, I tell myself everything happens for a reason, and that they'll work out in the end. But it's not happening, and I can't stand being in self-denial anymore. Everybody tells me that everything will turn out fine eventually, that I shouldn't stress myself out so much and worry. And that I gotta chill cuz everything's gonna be alright.

But I know that's not the case and I am ever so upset. Oh my precious LD, when will you stop giving me worries and show me we're up to it? I really want to see a new LD this coming week, one that is brimming with hope, all so ready for our next battle together.

Honestly, guys, really, don't make me give up. Cuz I'm already losing hope.